A Broken World

The past two years have sucked for me. You too? I’m so sorry. Whatever the reason it’s been hard.

I’m an extrovert, big time. 

I know a lot of introverts and the past two years even sucked for some of them. My husband might be a minor exception. He is on the autism spectrum and being alone to work on projects is not a challenge, it’s a joy for him. In fact he thrives on just doing one task after another, and I’m his person so all he really needs is me and stuff to do.

I on the other hand am a people person. I love being with people, all people. Well, most people. People are interesting to me, I get my energy from people and I love being surrounded by them. So when everything went dark and people were literally scared to death to go outside their houses, let alone sit in a Starbucks, I went dark too. Not in a loss of hope or joy way exactly, but in a happy, creative way for sure.

I lost the creative path I was on. I didn’t have the energy to wake up and dive into a life of writing and sharing. I frequently sat staring out at the lake watching the rain fall and drifting for hours. While everyone else was making bread I was eating Reeses Peanut Butter cups by the bag full. I gained 35 pounds in the past two years. My size 6 jeans are a distant memory at this point. 

Not for lack of trying to lose weight, but for lack of conviction and maybe lack of fun to distract me, I remain way to focussed on food. It’s my personal life struggle. Food is my drug of choice. I use it when I’m not thinking clearly and not in a healthy mental place. 

I know my hope and eternity is in heaven because I have trusted Jesus Christ with my sins and I know I am forgiven, but I still live here and the world is broken. So sometimes I dwell in the sad places that only Reeses Peanut Butter Cups seem to fill in the moment. When I’ve eaten all that chocolate I go right back to feeling that the world is broken.

I recently read an article about a local and beloved artist who took her own life this past year. Her words to a friend where those words…”the world is broken.” And she wasn’t wrong. Food, drugs, sex, shopping or whatever you use to find peace is only temporary and the world is still broken.

My creativity is broken, some of my friendships are broken, my health isn’t as good as it was two years ago. I have wanted to give up my art and my writing over and over, I have wanted to forget all my goals and withdraw from life off and on for the past couple years. 

I believe we will experience great loss over the next few years for many reasons, but hope doesn’t come from our circumstances. Hope comes from knowing what we can rely on, what we can trust. This world is the wrong place to look for our hope. Regardless of your home, your finances, your family or your work the only sure hope is in Jesus Christ. We have seen so much change in these past two years and it will never be the same, which is okay, but your hope is not in the past - in getting back to “normal”. 

If you are having thoughts of suicide and hopelessness you are not alone. Before you decide to leave this planet think about where you will go next.

Take some time to look at your options. If you decide to end your life here because you think it will all be over, you are mistaken. Unless you have trusted that Jesus Christ paid the price for your sin you will be paying that price for eternity in hell. 

It’s an unpopular thing to believe, let alone say out loud, but you need to have all the information before you go on taking your life. Wanting to give up is a natural way to feel in light of our broken world. I may never finish my novel, I may never lose all this weight and I may not feel good about how the world is going, but I have hope of eternity in heaven. Isn’t giving God’s idea and plan worth a shot? 

There is nothing to do, you don’t have to change the way you look or start going to church. You don’t have to be a really super duper good person or give money. You just have to believe that Jesus died for your sins. Sin is the bad things we do, we all do bad things. People pay for crimes they commit and sin is crime against God. Jesus stepped in and paid your debt because God loves you and wants you in heaven with Him when this life is over.

This life is short compared to eternity. The bible says: For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

Yes, there is suffering here but there is glory and better things ahead. Consider the alternative to a broken world and hopelessness and instead of suicide choose to trust Jesus Christ with your life. You are loved.