Be Their Colander

Think of Yourself as a Colander

The other day I was at a friend’s house to watch her girls while she ran some errands. It was lunch time and pasta was on the menu. Alright, it was mac and cheese - I am not a big fan of pasta with all its carbs and low nutrient content, but really not happy when it comes to feeding it to children from a box with powdered cheese and an expiration date some time after they’ve graduated from high school. That being said, sometimes it is what it is. (And I actually really like the taste.)

So there we were, her eight year old and I making mac and cheese. Cooking with your child is a good exercise in following instructions and participating, if not actually “cooking”. Mac and cheese still counts when you’re eight. 

We got out a pot, put the water on to boil, added a few drops of olive oil so the noodles don’t stick together, (this is not a cooking show - that’s just my thing), open the box, remove the packet of cheese, take out the called for amount of butter and carton of milk and set a timer. Because this particular child loves measuring, keeping track and being exact, in addition to pushing buttons on the stove she loved it. Then we waited.

As we try not to watch the water boil, it dawns on me that this is not my kitchen and in about six minutes I’m going to need a colander to drain the hot water off the noodles into the sink, but I have no idea where my friend keeps her colander.

Always enlist the help of the child if possible. It’s scary how much they know and they are typically proud to be able to help you, as the adult is usually the know-it-all and rarely needs their help. I play it up a bit - “I’m glad you’re here or it might have taken me a month to find it.” They know I’m joking but there is an element of truth and that matters to them - they are needed.

She wasn’t sure. She had never used it. (side note: If your kids don’t know something it might be a sign you are doing too much - cooking, cleaning or yard work, etc). So we search every cupboard and drawer, and of course the last one we open has the colander. We laugh and the timer goes off, phew just made it, we pretend to be sooooo relieved.

I set the colander in the bottom of their deep kitchen sink and and she stepped back. I do the dangerous part of taking the pan off the burner and carrying it to the sink. I lifted and dumped the whole pot, noodles and all into the sink in one big gush.

She completely freaked out and jumped back from the sink. What I didn’t realize was that she didn’t understand the colander was down there and would catch the noodles while letting the water run out. She thought I had recklessly dumped her cooking project and long awaited lunch down the drain. I had her come take a closer look down into the sink.

She was a little sheepish at having been “tricked” by my actions but relieved the noodles were safe. 

It made me think about how children want to do, and want to choose, and want to participate, but of course they aren’t always ready for the whole project. They need a colander, someone that knows what to let through and what to hang on to. They need to acquire and learn to use the proper tools in life, but in the mean time you need to be those tools as a parent. They are learning to strain what’s important through you until they are able to do it for themselves.

Give your child the freedom to participate in your life as a family but remember your job is to filter that life for them until they understand how to handle the hot water but keep their noodles safe.

Ironically, our kitchen growing up didn’t have a colander. Would you believe we used an old, flat, bent, metal cheese grater, precariously held up against the side of a pan of boiling water as it tipped and drained out, sometimes over my fingers, burning me and letting noodles slip by on the sides disappearing into the drain forever… This sums up a great deal of my childhood and the frustration I felt. 

Improvising can be good, but I have found that the right tool is better. Give your child the right tools whenever possible and if you don’t have the right tools, get them, and show your child how they are used so they become independent and skillful in their decision making. Until then, you be their colander.