How to Avoid Some of Life's Puddles

Fewer Words and What TO DO.

Say what you want your child to do. NOT what you don’t want them to do. Repeat that to yourself. Say what you WANT your child to do.

It’s simple. Really. Stay with me on this one. 

Imagine your child running full speed toward a puddle in the only dry clothes you have with you for the whole day. You’re mortified at what you know is about to happen and how you will have to deal with it. Your child has no thought whatsoever about their actions, let alone the consequences. How can you keep this catastrophe of wet clothes, wet car, wet car seat and tears (yours) from happening?

It’s tempting to shout random hysterics at the back of your fleeing child. The wind in their hair and their ears facing the opposite direction, you are running out of time. Instead of giving in to the panic you only need a few well selected words to make your case in time and save the day.

Before learning this trick I would have yelled something like, “Don’t get wet!” It’s only three words. How much less could you say? What else would you say?

But sitting in a child development night class thirty years ago, at North Seattle Community College, given by a man I thought was soooooo old back then, and probably my age now, I learned this very technique, which has served me well all these years as a Professional Nanny. In that tiny precious window of time use the fewest words to say what you WANT your child TO DO. 

Don’t waste your breath trying to get them to stop what they are doing. They are impulsive, having fun, lost in the moment and moving.  Getting them to stop doing one thing and then doing something completely opposite won’t work. That would require saying two things and obviously a magic none of us possess. 

So that sounds simple, right?! Or maybe not. Back to the example. The last two words in that first sentence are “get wet” Yikes. If they heard anything it was probably that!

Getting wet is not the objective. What is? STAYING DRY. There is your shorter more concise and accurate communication.

Ultimately you want them to stay dry. So, yell that. Their brain will only have to process one command. Don’t get wet = what not to do. Stay dry = do. Two commands.

Dry is the last word they will hear, and that’s what you really want.

The first time I tried this I admit I was not convinced. But I use this example because it really happened. That three year old was flying toward the puddle but after six steps of panic I gathered my thoughts, yelled ‘stay dry’ and waited for the splash.

Those little feet barely slowed but somehow swung to the right and just missed the puddle, avoiding the splash entirely, and making it to the playground dry and ready to play for the next hour.

It worked!

It may not happen every time but more times than not using the “positive/what to do” words will save you a lot of negative words, coming out of your already tired mouth, and get you the results you want. Remember - use fewer words and use the right words. WHAT TO DO… On occasion you may have to use more words to be clear, but stick with the positive over fewer.

Hands in your lap vs. Don’t touch that

Use your kind voice vs. Don’t be mean

Feet on the floor vs. Get your feet off the couch

Walk vs. Don’t run

You get the idea. The more your practice the better you’ll get and the more your child will respond appropriately. 

Next time we’ll talk about tone…