Easy Doesn't Do It

Don’t Make it so Easy

Life is already challenging, why make it harder for your child?

Because letting them work through a problem builds confidence and problem solving skills, which although it won’t make life any less challenging, it will teach them how to cope with confidence when problems come up.

Fixing everything for them isn’t doing them any favors. Without the skills to cope with challenges they will be dependent on you for the rest of their lives. Or their spouse, or their friends, or drugs and alcohol. The list is endless and varied and not good. A better way to raise kids is to let them figure out some basic things so they can grow into dealing with bigger life issues.

Your child needs to recognize simple things like hunger, the need for help,  discomfort, and hard work because those are parts of a normal life. Then, they need to learn to adjust their circumstances and behavior accordingly. They need to figure out how to solve those challenges appropriately. That’s where your help comes in. You will help them navigate those challenges and figure out how to work through them.

For example; if we are constantly asking if they’re hungry or setting food in front of them they will learn to eat when they are not hungry, not knowing that hunger is a sign to eat. If you jump in before there is a need they will wait for you to fill it every time. You will be their servant not their parent.

By allowing your child to feel hunger it gives you the opportunity to explain that’s how they can tell they need to eat and plan ahead as they grow up. Being hungry for a short time is not harmful, in fact giving your digestion a break is a good idea. Constant snacking promotes obesity. I’m not advocating fasting for children but I am concerned about them eating when they are not hungry just because it’s 10:00am snack time. (For more information check out Dr. Jason Fung) https://www.dietdoctor.com/intermittent-fasting/questions-and-answers

Your child should eat when they are hungry and learn to manage their hunger and food choices themselves, within your set boundaries. Parents are not short order cooks or waitstaff. Making 5 different things for dinner because everyone wants something different is not ok. Come to a consensus and if someone doesn’t care for the choice they can either skip the meal or eat parts of it.

I had an eight year old boy who never wore long pants to school, even in the dead of a Pacific Northwest winter - which is nowhere near as brutal as a Midwest winter, but still cold and sometimes freezing.

Every morning he came down in shorts, barely covering his knees - because that was the style. He always smiled at me as if daring me to suggest pants. But he’s eight, he’s been dressing himself for half his life, and he’s lived through seven winters already. I had seen online that the temp that day would be chilly but he would be inside at school most the day so I was sure hypothermia wasn’t a threat.

I smiled back and didn’t say a word. We had breakfast and I took him to the school bus where he happily waved from the window (without his friends seeing).

The next day was another cold one but down he came in his shorts. He also wore a t-shirt and a hoodie, so at least half of his body was fairly toasty. Off to another day of school.

The third day that week down the stairs he came wearing his shorts - with leggings under them. I had no idea that was even an option, but he figured it out. I finished making bacon and off he went to the bus stop. 

Your child will find a way to get the job done, make something work, or become comfortable. Unless it’s experimenting with dangerous chemicals or sharp knives let them work through it.